cheers to me for being a big suck. i walk into a room and the people in it stop talking - like sucking the life out of a gobstopper. love it.

obsessed

Have you ever been so obsessed with someone or something that you can't stop thinking about it no matter how hard you tried? The thought of this thing consumes your complete being; you can't focus when you're studying, everything else in the world just seems so 'blah,' you're not joyful anymore, and your life becomes very much a shadow of your former self. It's because you're obsessed. Your desire for this thing is just so intense, it's really quite ungodly. How do you deal? I'm having trouble dealing. I keep telling myself, "Just be patient, just be patient. You'll make it. God will provide in due time. God sees your stuggles" But it continues to infiltrate you, penetrating your thoughts, emotions, and even your dreams. But you're also afraid. What if my desire is finally fulfilled and it doesn't live up to my expectations?

In a week's time, there will be the biggest party in my stomach that the world has ever seen. I bought a roast.

Ever feel like you continue to give in a relationship but the person you're giving to never responds?

Well, I feel like I'm doing that right now. I feel like I'm giving for the both of us, with regards to this person - let's just call him/her "person". haha. I try to talk, I try to be nice, I try to initiate conversations and make person feel comfortable - but no response. maybe it's my social awkwardness - but i've never had THIS much of a problem before...periodically I'll get something, something small - like a smile, but usually i get nothing. it's pretty pathetic. I'm not normally one to initiate, but I've come to realize my need to be liked by people - even if it's just nominally. But i really think that person doesn't like me and i can't figure out why.

anyway, i'm getting tired of doing all the initiating. soon i'll give up and just let it be.