today: UBER cold. UBER windy

my id was being a jerk today. here are some things that it had to say:

1) "considering the speed and manner in which you are walking, i would have guessed that you just crapped yourself." (about the guy walking in front of me on the sidewalk)

2) "if i didn't know better, i would've thought that thing on your head was a toupe."

3) "excuse me [to a boy], did you notice before or after you bought them that your uggs have pom-poms on them?"

4) "you're a good-looking guy. you shouldn't have to look for moon rocks in order to get attention."

5) "c'mon kids....MJ in the concourse? i do believe that i've been 'fobbed out' for the rest of the month"

6) "and i thought I was butch..."

thank God for my overcompensating superego. (but sometimes my superego goes cognitively challenged on me.)

the world is unforgiving.

One of the worst possible things happened to me yesterday. I was penalized for plagarism. It's like "?!?!?!?!?!" right??? The truth is that i DID plagarize -- albeit COMPLETELY uninentionally. I thought I had done a good job on my assignment. But then my prof told me to go talk to him. I've never EVER gotten in trouble of academic misconduct of any kind. So this came as a complete shock and of course, I cried. a lot. i even entertained thoughts of dropping the class although that would do absolutely no good.

I have to admit, it was completely stupid of me to not realize that I was plagarizing because i was using ideas from the ABSTRACT of an article and i thought it was ok to just reword it considering i was not copying from the article itself. i really did not realize....but at least i know for next time.

But what makes me mad is that i had emailed my prof to ask what kind of implications this would have on my academic career and although as of right now (as long as it doesn't happen again) it's pretty under wraps. BUT...he wrote, and i QUOTE, "I was shocked and disappointed because i had identified you as a serious student." Boy I OUGHTTA.....(insert violent verb). But that wouldn't be very loving of me and loving people is something that i really need to work on. But i'm just mad cause i guess not everyone is as forgiving or as understanding as the people i normally associate myself with. which makes me a naiive fart, but still, i hadn't expected that people in the world were such cynics and so judgemental. Well take this, mr. prof, i AM a serious student, and just you wait. Just because i messed up once doesn't make me a turd or a cheater. I'LL SHOW YOU. and then at the end of the term you'll be like (to yourself), "i misjudged that student. and i'll hold my tongue (or in that case my fingers) from now. i am stupid. " Well, i guess it's not nice to call him stupid. but it certainly wasn't a very nice idea to call me an unserious student.

people screw up. that's what makes us people.

It was about this time last year that my dog Pongo died. (the actual date was jan. 5) I was feeling kinda sad and I thought about him. So let's just take a moment and pay our respects, shall we? (pause). But this isn't exactly what my post is about. I was thinking about the various marks he left on me. my scars. He gave me 4. One on my left forearm when he bit me when i tried to take back the food he stole off the table...and 3 on the lower half of my face when i ambushed him while he was sleeping.

Just thinking about the ones on my face...i remember thinking that it was the absolute end of the world. especially when i came home from the hospital with some 17 very dark, very obvious, very hideous stitches on my face. I thought it was the end of my life, that i'd be the next quasimodo. I cried for FOREVER and i nearly killed myself (tres exaggerated) when my dad tried to take pictures of me and my stitches. But today? sure, you can still see them, and they turn purple when it's cold and BRIGHT red when i've been boozing, but it's not enough to make you barf (or so i hope not ;).

Just thinking about this reminded me how a lot of things seem like the end of the world. but they're really not. One of the biggest things that i learned at urbana was that IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. I freak out when i get a crappy mark or i think that someone's mad at me or whatever, but it's not important...it's really not. We're all part of the body of Christ and it seems as though people use this passage to declare their importance. but i personally see it another way. Because we are just parts of the body, what matters is what the whole collective body does. You still need to do your part, of course, but the glory should go soley to Christ who is the head.

So what does this have to do with facial scars? everything. It's not about you. So when you're stressed out about things that seem to mean the world take a step back and think again. I'm not saying that you're not important to God, because you are - if the purpose of life is to find and serve God, what the crap are you stressing about?